Decisions...

This is probably going to be a long story, but I have to get it off my chest. So, I'm letting everyone know right now so they don't have to read it!

I have been silently struggling inside. I have an older sister I haven't seen in almost 9 years. The last time I saw her, I drove by her father-in-laws house where she was visiting. Her two kids were playing outside and I was hoping she was outside, too. Before this day, I hadn't seen her in probably 7-8 yrs. I had enough courage to stop that day. Maybe because John was with me and I felt stronger with him there. I don't know! Her kids didn't even know who I was. It was hard for me to realize that. Even though she is only my half sister, I grew up with her since I was born. She is 5 yrs older than I. That day was hard. She tried telling me lies. The conversation ended within 5 minutes as I drove off in tears. That was the last time I saw her. I didn't have the courage to go back. I've heard rumors thru the years... Where she was living, marriage woes, family troubles, etc. She married into a popular family here in town. Even though she hasn't lived here in a very long time, her FIL still does.

Now, rewind almost 18 yrs...
This is how it started....We had a pretty normal life growing up. Both my brother and sister are step siblings to me. It never bothered me though because since birth, they were always there. My brother(11 yrs older than I) would even put me down for naps. He is a good brother! We all had a normal sibling relationship. Except my sister started hanging around the wrong crowd during high school. She got into trouble, but it was typical teenager stuff, with a few bad things along the way. She started to turn on my parents. Even calling the cops and telling them my dad hit her. This was totally false!!!! I remember that night when the police came to my house to question my dad. The police knew my dad didn't do anything. But it was procedure. I was in my room the whole time, but I could hear everything. I might have been 12 years old at the time. I don't remember. Things got difficult after that. She just graduated from high school and she got pregnant. She wasn't living with us at the time, but after she had the baby things got rough for her so my parents let her live with us again. I thought the worst was over. I thought she straightened her act up. I thought she wouldn't use us anymore. I thought wrong!!! It was more of the same. Stealing money, stealing my clothes, etc. We were all constantly fighting. After about a year, she left and never came back.

Now, fast forward to now. She has been in contact with my parents. Something she hasn't done in years. My parents had her phone number for a little while now. They didn't have the guts to call her either. Anytime they would try to talk to her, she didn't want to listen. She was being stubborn. Maybe she knew she was wrong and couldn't own up to it. A few months ago they called her and she answered the phone. They talked for a long time. I guess she is getting a taste of her own medicine. Her daughter(now 13 yrs old) is giving her trouble. Probably just the typical teenage trouble, but still. She knows how it feels and she even admitted it to my parents. They talk once in a while, but my parents never really tell me what they talk about. I just happen to see her number on the caller-id when I'm there. Her birthday was May 5th. My parents, now on a slow mend with her, sent her a birthday card. I sent one also. This is the first contact I have had with her. I even gave her my email address just in case she wanted to email me. I doubt that will happen! Maybe she doesn't consider me her sister. Sometimes, when I check my email I hope to see her name pop up in my inbox. Nothing yet! She even called my mom on mother's day to wish her the best. My mom adopted both my brother and sister after their real mom left them and moved away.

Sometimes it hurts me soooo bad that I can't call my sister on the phone and gab about the cool Fiesta I just got or tell her that I had a bad day. I haven't told anyone about the birthday card I sent her...not even John. I don't know how he would react. He knows about the whole situation, but I'm having a hard time telling him for some reason. I usually tell him EVERYTHING.

I guess I'm having such a hard time because she is so close, but so far away. She has visited my parents once or twice in the past few months. Neither of them have called and said, "Hey, your sister is here, why don't you come over." I'm sure they are treading lightly. They don't want to scare her off or make her mad, but still. Every year in July we go to Ohio for the Crosley Show. We always pass thru her town. Not on purpose, but it happens to be on the way down there. I always look out the window wondering if I'll spot her somewhere in town. Nothing so far. I have her address now. I wonder if this year will be different.

This was very hard for me to tell. Please don't judge me. I really have had a good life, but sometimes I just want my sister back.